How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage – Avoiding Affairs – Fidelity

A husband or wife can introduce certain elements into their marriage to guard against their spouse cheating, and to make sure they don’t stray themselves. Figuring out how to affair proof your marriage becomes a matter of avoiding temptation and creating a fulfilling romance inside the confines of your spousal relationship. You might not ever be able to entirely affair-proof your marriage, because you’re always dealing with the thoughts, passions, and actions of another person. But a married couple have to trust each other, and these steps should give you good reason to place trust in your husband or wife.

Remain Affectionate

Maintain outward signs of affection in your marriage. Be sure to hug and kiss one another every day. Share pet names and in-jokes between the two of you. These outward displays of affection and friendship highlight the fact the two of you have a special relationship with one another, a connection no other person in your life shares. Relationship studies show that couples who maintain outward displays of affection tend to stay together. Closeness is a key.

Stay Romantic

Keep romance in your marriage. This doesn’t have to be some grand display with hot air balloons and showers of roses. Sometimes, the smallest romantic gestures mean just as much. Get roses from the florist on the way home. Write her a love note. Send her a romantic text or email. Call her in the middle of the day (but only seldom) to tell her how much she means to you. Tiny romantic moments dotting your days and weeks help to remind her you don’t just share a mortgage and a set of kids, but you were first and foremost a romantic couple.

Have a Date Night

Towards that end, maintain a regular date night that’s for the two of you. Pretend the two of you are still dating and you’ll keep the relationship fresh. Find new restaurants to try. Go to the nearest resort for a night. Make it more than dinner at your favorite restaurant and a movie. Those are great, but keeping things fresh is important. It’s stimulating and you see your partner in a new light.

Have a Common Interest

As maturing men and women, married couples don’t always have a lot of overlapping interests in their lives. You might have once thought the two of you had plenty in common when you were younger, but a man and a woman are different creatures and they tend to have a lot of different pastimes. Find a hobby or activity the two of you can share, because this lets you share each other’s company in a natural and stimulating way.

Try new activities or hobbies together. Take up dancing or start exercising together. Take a night class in some subject (painting, photography) that interests both of you. Volunteer together at your favorite charity. Find something both of you (honestly) enjoy and start sharing.

Talk More Often

These last few marriage tips naturally lead to a man and his wife talking to each other more often. When you first started dating, you could probably sit on the couch and talk for hours, or sit on the phone and be engrossed with what each other did all day. The two of you have probably long since gotten bored with hearing about the everyday, so sharing new romantic experiences and common interests gives you new things to talk about. The important thing is to be able to sit and talk and not argue while you do it. Enjoy each other’s company.

Share Intimacy

One of the quickest ways to have one partner stray in a marriage is to stop having sex. People are sexual beings and, if you take any two sexual partners and they stop having sex, the odds are that one of them is going to start looking for sensual fulfillment elsewhere. The more often you have sex with your wife or husband, the less likely they are to fantasize about other people–and act on those fantasies. Married sex isn’t a panacea, but it can’t hurt.

The biggest pitfall of the steady parade of sex with your wife is that it gets stale, so find ways to keep things fresh. It doesn’t take much to add in a new element. The date night helps this, because the two of you can find new places to have sex, such as a resort or local hotel room. Sexy lingerie and alternate sensory stimulation (wax, ice, maybe even blindfolds) are ways you can add in a slightly different element. The point being, you can find ways to spice things up a bit and still maintain a married sexual life. The important thing is you each make the effort, because intimacy is essential to maintaining a healthy married in most cases.

Avoid Porn

Men often find an outlet for their sexual urges through video and online pornography. Some couples sometimes find their sex life is tricked up by watching pornography together. You’ll find cases where porn has an effect on their marriage as a whole, except maybe to keep it interesting for both parties. But as a general rule, porn creates more problems than it solves.

Pornography tends to foster unrealistic expectations in men when it comes to a woman’s body, sexual performance, and comfort with strange sexual positions. A husband with a lone porn addiction is likely to find his wife less and less appealing and life in the bedroom less and less important. This opens the door for spouses drifting apart and finding fulfillment elsewhere. If you find as a couple that porn makes married sex better for the two of you, by all means continue. But I would always suggest a married man make Internet porn a tiny part of his sexual fantasies.

Keep Your Word

This is going to sound old-fashioned, but on your wedding day, you stood in front of all your friends and family members and gave your word that you would love, honor, and cherish your spouse all the day’s of your life. Whether you view a vow in front of God or in front of all the people in your life a more important vow, you gave it. If you breaks your marriage vows, you’ve made yourself a liar in front of all these people. So keep your word and maintain your honor.

Some would take this to mean that you stay married no matter what. I won’t take it that far, because some marriages are obviously a bad idea and they bring nothing but torment and psychological scarring to the husband, wife, and kids. Try everything to make a marriage work, but if you decide to end the marriage, do it the right way. Dissolve your marriage vows and walk away with your honor intact. “Honor” is a quaint term that doesn’t have much meaning anymore, but if people can’t trust you at your word on the big things, you can’t earn respect or expect people to trust you on the little, everyday things.

Set Boundaries in Your Marriage

Having ground rules help. Talk to your wife and set boundaries neither of you will cross. When I say boundaries, I mean lines you won’t cross with a member of the opposite sex who isn’t your spouse. These boundaries are going to be different for each couple, but they might include “never being alone” or “never going out on the town alone” or “not putting their number in your speed dial” or “never giving them your email” or even “never flirting“. The rules are different for each couple.

One reason the bounds vary is that people have different psychological backgrounds and social needs. Maybe you or your tend wife tends to be the jealous type. If this is so, then special precautions need to be taken, because rampant jealous and accusations can destroy a marriage about as quick as anything. It’s important to remember your partner’s feelings in this, because whether they seem rational to you, they find them important. Set boundaries and stick to them. Never stray from the rules and it’s going to be hard to stray in a marriage.

How to Avoid Extra-Marital Affairs

Avoiding extramarital affairs over the course of your life isn’t easy. It’s a long life and the two of you have to satisfy and content one another for decades and decades. With many people, as soon as a taboo is set, the forbidden becomes enticing and exciting. If you have the type of spouse who is going to set rules only to break them, your marriage was never going to last in the first place. But if the two of you love one another, make a good faith effort to stay faithful, and follow these steps, you have a good chance of proofing your marriage against infidelity.

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